


Coffee

by Ttime42



Category: NCIS
Genre: Caffeine deprivation, Coffee, Gen, Humor, Rule 23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-29
Packaged: 2017-11-27 11:45:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/661639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ttime42/pseuds/Ttime42
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony & McGee have a hard day at the office when Gibbs' coffee shop closes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Assume the events in episode 200 never happened. Enjoy!

                McGee walked into the office early Monday morning. His backpack was slung over one shoulder and a full cup of hot dark coffee was warming his hand. The office was pretty empty this early in the morning, but McGee wanted to finish a report in case they had another body today. He hated when work piled up.       

                Gibbs’ desk was empty, as was Ziva’s. Ziva he wasn’t expecting, but Tim didn’t think he’d ever gotten here before Gibbs. He stood in the middle of the bullpen, looking at Gibbs’ dark desk for a moment when he heard,

                “Psst! Probie!” Tim turned and saw Tony crouched behind his desk, stealing nervous glances at Gibbs’ unoccupied space.

                “Tony?” Tim said. He dropped his things at his desk and sipped his coffee, enjoying the hot liquid racing through his veins as he watched his partner.

                “C’mere!” Tony motioned him frantically over and Tim walked to him with a sigh.

                “What’s going on?” Tim asked, wondering what the hell Tony was doing squatting on the floor, using his desk as a barricade. At another frantic wave, Tim crouched down beside Tony, an expectant look on his face.

                “Did you hear?!” Tony whisper yelled, even though no one else was around.

                “Hear what?” Tim said.

                Tony’s face turned grave and he gulped. With a deep, somber breath, he reached out and rested a hand on Tim’s shoulder, looking like he was about to deliver the worst news in the world. Tim licked his lips, feeling genuine concern. What on earth could have happened?

                “What’s wrong, Tony?” Tim asked. “Did…did something happen to Gibbs? Or Abby?” The thought of his friend or his boss lying in a hospital somewhere made Tim’s stomach clench.

                Tony spoke in a solemn voice. “Gibbs’ coffee shop closed.”

                Tim frowned, confused. What was Tony playing at? All that dramatic build up and then nothing but a shop closing? Tim threw Tony’s hand off his shoulder, irritated.

  “So?” He groused. “That’s all? Jeez, Tony, I thought—” He yelped when Tony slapped him upside the head, nearly causing Tim to drop his coffee.

                “Hey! What—”

                “McGee!” Tony barked. Tim fell quiet, rubbing his head. “Listen to me: Gibbs. Coffee. No more.”

                Tim blinked, then his eyes widened and realization broke through his mind. His jaw dropped and Tony nodded in empathy.

                “Oh no.” Tim whimpered.

                “Yeah.” Tony nodded.

                “But, we’ll be…”

                “Yup.”

                “Gibbs is gonna be…”

                “Uh-huh.”

                The thought of a coffee-less Gibbs was by far the most terrifying thing Tim had ever faced as an agent. Scarier than serial killers. Or even Ziva when she was angry.

                Tim looked at Tony helplessly.

                “What do we do?” He said, pulling himself together.

                “We gotta find him another brand of coffee, and fast.” Tony said with a hopeless shrug. “What other choice do we have?” His voice was weighed down by the heavy burden they now carried, and Tim rested a hand companionably on his shoulder. “We’ll get through this.” Tim said sincerely. Tony nodded and patted Tim’s hand, a relieved smile on his face. “Thanks, Probie. Don’t think I could manage alone.”

                “I got your six.”

* * *

                Gibbs came into the office that morning like a tornado, muttering and banging things around. He looked a little rough around the edges. His hair was disheveled and his polo was a bit wrinkled. His eyes were slightly bloodshot and he was massaging his temple, growling to himself. Tim and Tony exchanged glances across the bullpen. This was worse than they thought.

                “McGee!” Gibbs barked.

                Tim winced and looked at the older man.

                “Yes, boss?”

                “Where’s your report?” He said in a groggy, irritated tone.

                “Oh, right there, boss.” Tim got up and pointed to the center of Gibbs’ clean desk where his report lay. It was hard to miss, really, but Tim wasn’t going to mention that.

                Gibbs grunted at it, then eyed the half-full coffee on McGee’s desk. He got up and grabbed it, drinking some down. Behind him, Tim saw Tony watching Gibbs’ reaction carefully, hoping Tim’s brew would be enough to satisfy Gibbs.

                Gibbs pulled the cup away from his face in disgust and threw it in the trash before storming towards the stairs. He hadn’t even said anything about Ziva’s absence.

                Tim stared down at the ruined remains of his coffee, spilling into the garbage can. He whimpered a little and Tony came up behind him, patting him on the shoulder. “We’re all going to be making sacrifices, Tim.” Tony said in a sage voice. “At least until all this is over.” They both stared down into the trash can. “Better the coffee than you.” Tony added.

                Tim had a brief mental image of Gibbs stuffing him into a trash can before he nodded and bravely went back to his desk.

                “I’ve been thinking about it.” Tony said, leaning down beside McGee. “I have a plan.”

                “Really?” McGee stared sadly at the spot on his desk that the coffee had recently occupied.

                “I did some research, and there’s a bunch of places within a ten-mile radius of this office that sell coffee.” Tony slid a sheet across the desk that bore names of local cafés. “If we could just sneak out and bring back a coffee for him from each place, we’re bound to find one that he likes, right?”

                Tim chewed his lower lip, nodding slowly.

                “If we don’t get a call-out today.” Tim nodded. “He’s so out of it, he probably wouldn’t even notice if one of us left now and then.”

                “Exactly, Probie!”

                “What is exactly?” Ziva came around the corner of the bullpen, setting her things down and looking at them curiously.

                Tony jumped up, wanting to warn her about Gibb’s delicate state, when—

                “David!” Gibbs’ voice rang through the office, causing some bewildered glances from around the room. He stormed into view. “You’re late!”

                “The bus—“ She began. “There was an accident and it was rerouted—”

                “Don’t let it happen again.” Gibbs muttered. He rubbed a hand over his face. “Conference room three, all of you.”

                “What for, boss?” McGee said.

                “Safety training video.” Gibbs said in disgust. “Director wants everyone to watch it. Take a potty break, it’s an hour long.”

                McGee mentally rolled his eyes as he stood up to go to the conference room. Tony’s plan would have to wait until after…McGee looked around as the office emptied towards the conference room. Tony was nowhere to be seen.

**tbc...**


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Tony? Will the guys survive the day?

                McGee stood in the break room exactly one hour and seven minutes later, staring at the coffee machine bubble and forth. He liked this stuff about as much as Gibbs did, but given a choice between this coffee and no coffee, he’d gladly take this.

                “Beggars can’t be choosers.” He muttered.

                “And luckily, Probie-wan, you don’t have to be either.” Tony’s chipper voice sounded behind him and Tim spun around.

                “Where were you?” He demanded.

                “Out saving our butts. Voila.” Tony produced a large, steaming coffee in a cup bearing the logo from a local chain.

                “Did you get it black?” Tim asked.

                Tony gave him a “you’re an idiot” look. “No McGee, I got Gibbs a half-caf with soy milk and five sugars.”

                “Okay, stupid question.” McGee conceded.

Tony set the coffee on Gibbs’ empty desk. McGee followed and sat at his desk, slurping gratefully on his new coffee.

                Ziva stood up when they entered. “What is going on with Gibbs?” She said, looking alarmed. “He fell asleep on me during the video. Is he ill?”

                “Caffeine withdrawl.” Tim explained, watching Tony position the coffee on Gibbs’ desk just so. He quickly explained the situation to her and his and Tony’s plan to fix it.

                “What can I do?” She asked.

                “Distract him.” Tim said. “Keep him from noticing Tony and I.”

                “Keep who from noticing you and Tony, McGee?”

                “Um…” Tim turned around at Gibbs’ stern voice behind him. “The, the director.” Tim said, scrambling. “I wasn’t paying that close of attention to the video, and—”

                “Hell, neither did I.” Gibbs turned to his desk and spotted the coffee. Tim and Tony exchanged a quick glance as Gibbs picked it up, sniffed it, and took a sip. He stood there for a moment in silence before chucking it in the trash and storming towards the elevator. Tim gave Tony a helpless glance and Tony crossed the name off the list.

                The rest of the day went by in a similar fashion. Tim snuck out just before lunch and brought back a coffee from a local bakery. It hit the trash before it was even tasted. Tim crossed it off the list.

                Tony presented him with a new brew just after lunch. Gibbs grabbed it out of his hands and took a sip. Tony crossed his fingers behind his back, then let out a tired sigh as it landed on top of the pile of cups already in the trash. Tony crossed that place off the list.

                An hour and a half later, Tim went to _another_ local chain and left the coffee on Gibbs’ desk. It made a very impressive stain on the wall.

                Unable to take it anymore, Tony and Tim descended into autopsy to visit Ducky before one of Gibbs’ tantrums put them both in a refrigerated drawer.

                “Good afternoon, gentlemen.” Ducky said from his desk.

                “Hey, Ducky.” The agents came over and leaned against the wall, well out of view of the main doors. Ducky paused what he was writing and glanced up at them. He blinked. Tim looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and he stared at the sliding doors with a worried look on his face. The doctor noticed his nails were bitten to nearly nothing and his shirt was untucked. Tony didn’t looked much better. His hair was sticking all directions as if he’d been running his hands through it constantly. He looked as tired and wary as Tim and his clothing was rumpled and even stained with what looked like coffee in places.

                “Is something wrong upstairs?” Ducky asked politely.

                “Gibbs.” They both said.

                Ducky tossed his pen down. “Jethro is in a mood again?”

                “His coffee shop closed.” Tim said quietly. “No coffee all day.”

                “We’re barely managing up there, Ducky.” Tony said in a weary tone. “He’s on the warpath.”

                “Caffeine withdrawl can be an unpleasant affliction.” Ducky said. “Sufferers can endure headaches, grogginess, irritability.”

                “Check, check, aaaand check.” Tony said. “How long does it last?”

                “It can be hours or it can be days.” Ducky said. 

                “Oh God, I hope it’s not days.” Tim muttered.

                “If this lasts for days, I’m not coming in.” Tony said. “No way. I’ll say my plague-lungs flared up and I had to go see Brad.”

                “He’d find you and demand a doctor’s note.” Tim told him. “Hey… “Tim perked up a little. “What if we gave him an energy drink? Y’know, soda instead of coffee?”

                Tony moved until he was face-to-face with Tim. He grabbed both of Tim’s arms and gave him a shake. “When have you _ever_ seen Gibbs drink soda!?” He yelped. “Being covered in coffee is enough for me, thanks—I don’t need to be covered in corn syrup too.”

                “It was just an idea!” Tim said, throwing Tony’s hands off.

                “I know.” Tony said, backing away. “I know—sorry, man.”

                “That’s okay.” Tim said. “Hey Ducky,” he turned to the amused doctor, “is there any way we can slip Gibbs some caffeine pills?”

                “I think he would notice.” Ducky said dryly. “And also, how would you slip them to him if you have nothing to slip them into?”

                “Good point.” Tony mumbled.

                “Do you have any work we can do down here, Ducky?” Tim asked, letting a healthy amount of pleading into his voice.

                Ducky glanced at the drawers. “Numbers one oh two and two oh three need to be cleaned. And I’ve been meaning to take apart the bone saw and give it a good scrubbing.” Ducky shrugged and went back to what he’d been writing. “If you’re interested, there’s gloves and solution in the cabinet.”

                Ducky grinned as he heard two sets of feet hastily trotting for the sliding doors.

* * *

 

                “What are we gonna do?!” Tim asked Tony as they rode back up to the office. “There’s no coffee to be had. Gibbs doesn’t like soda. Does he like tea?”

                “I don’t know.” Tony said. “If you want give a pissed-off Gibbs something scalding hot, be my guest. My advice? Duck. Duck fast. Unless he pours it on your head, then you’re pretty much SOL—wait I got it!” Tony interrupted himself and held up a finger. “Abby!”

                “Abby?” Tim said.

                “Yeah! C’mon— who do we know that could figure out the chemical compound for caffeine and lace into a donut to give to Gibbs?”

                “It’s worth a try.” Tim punched the button for the lab and they stood there with renewed confidence. The elevator dinged and they tumbled out, frantic to get into the goth’s lab.

                “Abby!” Tim yelled. “We need—”

                Tony stopped in his tracks and held a hand out, blocking Tim, transfixed by the sight in front of them. The lab was oddly silent, and Abby was standing in front of Gibbs, smiling indulgently as he took long, slow gulps from a large white cup.

                “There we go.” She said in a soothing voice. Tim, Tony and Abby watched as Gibbs drank the brew down and gave Abby a satisfied grin. She swiftly took away the empty cup and gave him a fresh full one. “It’s still available online for ordering.” She told him.

                He grinned, then kissed her on the cheek and strode towards the door. “Excuse me.” He said politely. Tim and Tony jumped aside and watched in shock as Gibbs disappeared into the elevator.

                “Abby, what did you do?” Tim said, walking into the lab.

                “‘Excuse me’?” Tony said to himself, mystified.

                Abby turned smartly on her heel, arms crossed. “Abby rule number nine.” She said.

                “Uh…” Tim said.

                “He really said ‘excuse me’.” Tony said again, not believing it.

                Abby landed a quick headslap on Tim’s skull before marching over to a drawer in the corner. She yanked it open, revealing a shiny pile of dozens of individual foil-wrapped coffee packets, all bearing the name of Gibbs’ favorite brand of coffee.

               “Always keep a spare.” She said.

               Tim breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re a goddess among women, Abby.”

              She smiled. “And that’s why I’m the favorite.”

 

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! (Comments and kudos are welcome)


End file.
